IV. What are my choices of purpose, flow or spirituality treatment methods?

You have many options even if you do not have a religious or non-religious way to express your spirituality. Whether you are ready to be in the full service of others, or need to first recognise spirituality in yourself, the exercises below can help you develop your spirituality, which can increase your happiness and buffer stress and anxiety.

Looking Back on your Life

If someone asks you “If you die today, how would people remember you?” - you may well have to ask yourself the following questions:

• What would I have accomplished?
• What was my legacy?
• Have I fulfilled a higher purpose?
• What was my contribution to my family, friends and the community?
• Did I live a life fueled only by desires for wealth and materialistic things?

It is worthwhile to take some time to write a eulogy about your life. Be honest about what your accomplishments have been so far and what you have done that were for a greater purpose and selflessness. It may seem a little strange to write about your life as if you have died, but it may help you to tap into what you still would wish to do in life now, both to be of service to others and for your own sense of engagement and pleasure. You will then be able to take what you have learned as a blueprint for new activities to express your spirituality and pleasure.

There are many ways to eulogise someone. Below are just a few examples:

• “Diana was the very essence of compassion, of duty, of style, of beauty. All over the world she was a symbol of selfless humanity. All over the world, a standard-bearer for the rights of the truly downtrodden, a very British girl who transcended nationality. Someone with a natural nobility who was classless and who proved in the last year that she needed no royal title to continue to generate her particular brand of magic.”
  
  Charles Spencer, speaking at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales.
  
  
• “On 29 May 1953 a young New Zealander stood on top of Mt Everest with his climbing companion Tenzing Norgay. That young man was Edmund Hillary, soon to be knighted, and to become the most famous New Zealander of our time. Sir Ed’s achievement on that day cannot be underestimated.
  
  He went to a height and a place no man had gone before. He went there with 1950s, not 21st Century, technology. He went there with well honed climbing skills, developed in New Zealand, Europe, and Nepal itself.
  
  But above all, he went there with attitude – with a clear goal, with courage, and with a determination to succeed.”
  
  New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark’s eulogy to Edmund Hillary.
  
  
• My Daddy was my hero – he was always there for me when I needed him. He listened to me and taught me so many things, but most of all he was fun. I know that Daddy had an important job. He was working to change the world so everyone would love wildlife like he did. He built a hospital to help animals and he bought lots of land to give animals a safe place to live. He took me and my brother and my Mum with him all the time. We filmed together, caught crocodiles together and loved being in the bush together. I don't want Daddy's passion to ever end. I want to help endangered wildlife just like he did. I have the best Daddy in the whole world and I will miss him every day. When I see a crocodile I will always think of him and I know that Daddy made this zoo so everyone could come and learn to love all the animals. Daddy made this place his whole life and now it's our turn to help Daddy.
  
  Bindi Irwin’s eulogy to her father Steve Irwin, renown Australian environmentalist

If you cannot write something similar about your own life, do not despair: your life of meaning may just be beginning, and you may still be ‘finding out what you want to do’, and still developing the positive relationships of support and friendship. By writing about your life in the past tense now, you can find places where your life is missing greater purpose, and start moving your life in the direction you want it to go today.

Kindness Journal

Your life may be full of acts of kindness and selflessness, but you may have forgotten about them or have not taken time to recognise them for yourself. By recording them in a journal, they can become a source for your own happiness and wellbeing.

For one week, write down everything you have done that is kind and selfless. Recount the times when you have done good things and how you felt at the time - physically, spiritually and emotionally. Whether you ran a marathon to raise funds for a local charity, or simply just opened the door for someone at a store - jot it down, then count them. The journal is just for you, you can write down anything you wish.

You will find that as you acknowledge your acts of kindness for others, you will also be doing an act of kindness for yourself - giving yourself a little dose of happiness each time. At the end of the week, you may also find that your acts of kindness increased as the week passed, making that dose of happiness just bigger each time. By tracking your own selflessness, you are recognising the benefit it gives you, which will turn it into a habit of creating positivity in your everyday life.

It may also help you strike a balance between giving too much and keeping some kindness for yourself. If you find that you are not relieving stress and anxiety when you are writing down your acts of kindness, then it may be time to help yourself, either through Assertiveness Training, or by cutting down the number of selfless activities. To get the full benefit from acts of kindness, you do not have to help others until it bothers you – it has to be up to a point where it helps others and makes you feel good.

Recognising Flow

You may go through work and leisure as a matter of course, but you would have recognised which activity brings pleasure and the desire to do it again, regardless of how long it takes, or how effortlessly it was even when the work is challenging. You may already have been in a state of flow without realising it. In order to find your own flow, try the following as you go about your daily routine:

• Try surprising yourself with your own skills in the activity you are doing.
• Choose activities that bring about new feelings and insights, without the interference of your thoughts or views about the activity.
• Pay attention to your mental thoughts and body sensations.
• Instead of stopping because of a mistake or worrying about a mistake during the activity, work through it. Mistakes are part of the discovery and it can improve focus by not dwelling on them.
• Although you may feel nervous when trying a new activity, or doing a routine activity in a new way, remember it is only temporary and that it will wear off in time.
• Try working with others in your activities that you would normally do alone.
• Maintain a sense of humour or see if you can laugh as you go through the activity.

If the activity you are in makes you feel good and you want to keep going even if you feel nervous or making the occasional mistakes, then it is probably an activity that you are really using your signature strengths, so keep it up, and try finding other similar activities where you can find your flow. You may find your happiness growing along with your skills!

Finding your Flow in Leisure

You may find most of your flow occurs at work, however, your leisure activities should also be engaging and give you a sense of flow. The best way to find flow in leisure activities is to switch back and forth between challenging and non-challenging activities each day.

Start by watching television during your time off one day. The next day, play chess with a friend. Try alternating your reading: one day, read a popular gossip magazine, the next read an autobiography of one of your heroes. Which one brings you more happiness and engages more of your attention and signature strengths? As you discover new leisure activities that bring you flow, use them to replace less enhancing activities.

You might wonder why achieving flow during leisure time is important. By engaging your sense of flow at all times, you are not only increasing your happiness levels, but also continuing to recognise and fine-tune your feelings and sensations of flow. This will then allow you to find further activities which give you a sense of flow, are meaningful or performed for a higher purpose.

Volunteering

Volunteering is an expression of spirituality and has been shown that happiness can grow at levels similar to that of a major pay increase. However, you do not have to volunteer every day in the way that you have to turn up for a high-paying job. You can simply volunteer at your favourite charity either once a month, or every other week, or once a week. The more you volunteer, the more chances you have of increasing your happiness.

If you do not know where to find voluntary work, why not use your signature strengths as a guide:

• If you have strengths in mercy and love of animals, volunteer at an animal rescue centre.
• If you are civic-minded and have a sense for fairness, volunteer at a legal aid clinic.
• If you love learning and are intellectually curious, volunteer at the library.

If you are not sure yet of what your signature strengths are, you can learn how to use them in your everyday life by viewing the lesson on Positive Self-Talk.

Prayer

Whether related to a religion, recognised or otherwise, prayer is a form of expression of spirituality. Prayer can be an unselfish activity that benefits others (e.g. praying for a sick loved one). You can also pray for yourself as a way of coping with stress or anxiety, or as a way to focus your mind. When you pray, you are offering your thoughts and concerns to a higher power, be it a religious deity, or a spiritual figure, and placing all your hope and faith in that being.

Prayer is practised in a number of different ways, which may be based on an organised religion you belong to. Some practices include:

• Ritual prayer using prayer practices and environment dictated by your religion；
• Reading spiritual passages from the guiding book of your religion；
• Communal or colloquial prayer for general wellbeing and thanksgiving.

A variation on prayer practices is Centring Prayer. Instead of praying to a higher being or for a higher sense of wellbeing at a given time or celebration, Centring Prayer is partly meditation and partly faith.

When negative or anxiety-producing thoughts are present, you can use imagery and words of that higher power to alleviate the negativity and worry. It can alter the way you view the world when you come out of prayer. Centring Prayer can be a tool you can use to re-introduce your sense of spiritual wellbeing when times are tough.

Communal Worship

If you have a tradition of worshiping with others, or want to share your spirituality, you can attend a spiritual service with other members of your religious community. During these services, you will have the opportunity for prayer, songs of praise, and other expressions of your spirituality in a social setting. You may also find sources of social support in people who share the same religious background as you.

Building Spirituality

From a positive psychology perspective, being religious or being part of an organised religion underlies and builds a sense of spirituality. According to positive psychologists, importance should not be placed on what religion you are, but rather on how religious (or persistent) you are in practising spirituality. This is a benchmark for the happiness and resilience you can build for yourself.

Spirituality can be obtained through regular practice of acts of kindness, affirmation, or gratitude that engage your strengths and skills for a higher purpose. Some positive psychology suggestions for building personal spirituality include:

• Spend five minutes each day to consider the purpose of life and where you fit in.
• Spend five minutes each day to think about what you can do to make the world a better place.
• Go to a religious service or read passages from a spiritual book each day.
• Explore other religions through the library or internet or by asking friends involved in other religions.
• Pray or meditate each day. Do positive affirmations each day, or read from a book of affirmations every day.